Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
