Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
false alarm, still single
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
