So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
