i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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