my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
