I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
