you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
