we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
