and you said cock pushups were impossible
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
