if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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