How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
