it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
