Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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