Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The air taste purple.
Randomize
