worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
