I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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