I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
