i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
