if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
