I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
