Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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