I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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