I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
