Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
as a side note pls kill me
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
