Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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