Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
