Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
