but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
