I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
