Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
