I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
That accounts for only three of the penises
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
