So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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