I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If I had your ass I would rule the world
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
