i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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