fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I think my vagina is haunted
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
