she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
