im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
