i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
