his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
