Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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