before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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