Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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