Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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