I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
