I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
