You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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