Everything about him screamed your future.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
