apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just gargled with NyQuil
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
