he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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