So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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