Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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