It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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