I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
