I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
