I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
